Need Your Caption

Suckupfinal_lg

My buddy, Brad Fitzpatrick, drew this cartoon in response to the “abhorrent” article that I wrote called “How to Suck Up to a Blogger.”

We’re missing a caption. I KNOW you guys can come up with some great stuff. Please submit your idea as a comment!

Oh yeah, click here to see the outtakes (ala Jackie Chan movies).

http://www.bradfitzpatrick.com/weblog/

Brad took a very,very good shot at me. Is this fun or what? I think it’s flattering to know that you’re worth skewering!

By | 2016-10-24T14:28:29+00:00 February 23rd, 2006|Categories: Uncategorized|123 Comments

About the Author:

Guy Kawasaki is the chief evangelist of Canva, an online graphic design tool. Formerly, he was an advisor to the Motorola business unit of Google and chief evangelist of Apple. He is also the author of The Art of Social Media, The Art of the Start, APE: Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur, Enchantment, and nine other books. Kawasaki has a BA from Stanford University and an MBA from UCLA as well as an honorary doctorate from Babson College.

123 Comments

  1. Ian Tyrrell February 23, 2006 at 6:12 pm - Reply

    “Is that w[h]ine in a full-text feed? If not, no link!”
    (It is Scoble isn’t it?)

  2. Tom F. February 23, 2006 at 6:20 pm - Reply

    “No funding for you, but at least this will help us tolerate the other presenters!”
    or
    “You’ve confused us with Diggnation – this is TWiT!”

  3. Keola Donaghy February 23, 2006 at 6:32 pm - Reply

    “I don’t care how drunk you get me – I’m not going to go see ‘Brokeback Mountain’ with you, and I’m not linking to you, either.”

  4. Alex Krupp February 23, 2006 at 6:37 pm - Reply

    “You’ll waste an hour coming up with a caption to this picture because I have 5,000 incoming links.”

  5. Devin February 23, 2006 at 7:07 pm - Reply

    “Why do we even bother? Not one of these bloggers have show up on memeorandum today.”
    Did you mean ‘How* to..’, Guy?

  6. Jie Kang February 23, 2006 at 7:07 pm - Reply

    “You cannot buy us with your puny gifts. If you know anything about blogging, you should know that even A-list bloggers can always use more incoming links with descriptive text.”

  7. kr8tr February 23, 2006 at 7:16 pm - Reply

    “I’ll link yours if you link mine” – we don’t need no damn Serfs!

  8. Michael Phipps February 23, 2006 at 7:17 pm - Reply

    Guards, put the beer with the rest of the stash.
    Same time tomorrow, John?

  9. Alex Krupp February 23, 2006 at 7:18 pm - Reply

    “Say guys, wouldn’t it be nice if someone gave all our books five stars on Amazon?”

  10. dave February 23, 2006 at 7:34 pm - Reply

    No soup for you!

  11. thatedeguy February 23, 2006 at 7:57 pm - Reply

    “Brrreeeport!”

  12. Brian Bush February 23, 2006 at 8:02 pm - Reply

    I have to say, I have more bad experiences with these URL shortening services than good. They’ve officially achieved the same amount of personal annoyance for me as ring tones.
    I really don’t like ring tones; and I put this in the same category: a solution looking for a problem. Alternatively, blog software vendors (are you listening Apple?) could simply not generate obscenely long URLs.
    For the record, my complaint with URL “snippers” is that they introduce an unnecessary traffic bottleneck recquiring their servers be able to handle the load, and allow a bunch of extra uninvited eyeballs into my web trafficking tendencies.
    just my 2¢.

  13. Mike Sax February 23, 2006 at 8:06 pm - Reply

    Ah, Dom Perignon! Bona tempora volvant!

  14. Peter Quodling February 23, 2006 at 8:20 pm - Reply

    You want the Scoble seal of approval, in return for just free samples? Peasants! Link to us instead.

  15. Patrick February 23, 2006 at 8:24 pm - Reply

    Ladies and Gentleman,
    I don’t know why you think that just because you can sell this junk (someone else’s treasure) on Ebay, you think you can make Ye Royal A List!
    But, thanks for the liquor

  16. John Nguyen February 23, 2006 at 8:40 pm - Reply

    “Cristal… when is Robin Leech from the Rich and Famous coming?”

  17. Fun Bobby February 23, 2006 at 8:46 pm - Reply

    Why do I have Roman soilders since they cannot protect me from those bloggers who feel that linking to me will bring them fame when their postings are garbage. Leave your garbage at the door and let the real A listers do what they do best without selling out.

  18. olivier blanchard February 23, 2006 at 8:57 pm - Reply

    “Don’t these people have jobs?”

  19. Khurram February 23, 2006 at 9:24 pm - Reply

    “Have none of you read Guy Kawasaki’s post on How to suck up to bloggers? All this schwag is great but you still gotta do the other stuff!”

  20. Mike February 23, 2006 at 9:24 pm - Reply

    Fools ! You bring ordinary champagne to Scoble !
    Don’t you know I know nothing and am loud about it !
    No links for you C-Lister !

  21. Steven Kempton February 23, 2006 at 9:25 pm - Reply

    “You know if you all just started blogging like me, you wouldn’t have to give me all this stuff. By the way, does anyone know what my real job is?”

  22. met February 23, 2006 at 9:40 pm - Reply

    These guys never learn. I know I don’t have anything to say, but didn’t you understand anything I said?
    There are 10 ways to …

  23. Patrick February 23, 2006 at 9:57 pm - Reply

    Hey Dude with the box of CD’s. Do you have any Pat Metheny or Horace Silver in there.
    and for the Stormhoek’r on his knees…
    “freshness matters”

  24. Chris Mikesell February 23, 2006 at 10:16 pm - Reply

    “Whaddya mean ‘compensating’?”

  25. Chris Mikesell February 23, 2006 at 10:21 pm - Reply

    Sorry, should’ve been:
    “Whaddya mean ‘overcompensating’?”
    Sorry ’bout that. (Preview is my friend x50)

  26. Nick Davis February 23, 2006 at 10:29 pm - Reply

    Didn’t you get the Meme-o? I said bring me Scoble’s Microbe Band — not a Global Microbrand.

  27. Brett February 23, 2006 at 10:30 pm - Reply

    “Yeah, that me, the A list blogger. I blog, blog, blog ….
    Hey, who the hell are these people?

  28. Sameer February 23, 2006 at 10:36 pm - Reply

    Clones ye, you’re me.
    What a pretty circle we make.
    Seld-perpetuate, exaggerate,
    our own little circle – and lo –
    And our Kingdom shall rule the Wide World2.0

  29. Sameer February 23, 2006 at 10:38 pm - Reply

    (sorry about the typos earlier)
    Clones ye, you’re almost me.
    What a pretty circle we make.
    Self-perpetuate, exaggerate,
    our own little circle – and lo –
    And our Kingdom shall rule the Wide World2.0

  30. W.P. Wily February 23, 2006 at 10:42 pm - Reply

    Not a caption entry, but woo-hoo that IPod belt is SUH-WEET. So hey Guy, toss me one of those, please! I like that cartoon the best.

  31. Tim McClintock February 23, 2006 at 10:44 pm - Reply

    . . . and just then it hit me. 10 ad’s per page, with an average of 200,000 page views a day after only two weeks, and I’d be a Blog god!

  32. Ken Molay February 23, 2006 at 10:57 pm - Reply

    “Accepted. You may leave one comment with your URL in the signature.”

  33. Harry Chong February 23, 2006 at 11:05 pm - Reply

    “Sorry – I don’t accept things from people with back problems.”

  34. Servant of Chaos February 23, 2006 at 11:12 pm - Reply

    Don’t give me stuff. Tell me a story that will make me sit up and take notice!

  35. khalid February 23, 2006 at 11:16 pm - Reply

    that’s not what i want, though i’ll take it, NEXT!!!

  36. Deborah February 23, 2006 at 11:19 pm - Reply

    “Dude, look–it’s Wayne Gretzsky!”

  37. Mike Sax February 23, 2006 at 11:44 pm - Reply

    Okay so Steven Tyler has better groupies, bfd.

  38. Gerold February 23, 2006 at 11:51 pm - Reply

    Ok folks. Leave your gifts, go home and write an article about “Why to use the rel-nofollow-tag”.

  39. Jason Hawryluk February 24, 2006 at 2:29 am - Reply

    I’ll give you “all” one link per box of swag. Now; go forth and link back!

  40. Jonas Antonsson February 24, 2006 at 3:30 am - Reply

    A geek, they said. A looser. They took my lunch money. They pounded on me. well, who is The Man now?
    No, it’s just something in my eye…

  41. Hirschi February 24, 2006 at 3:31 am - Reply

    “Ey, underachiever please try harder next time…” 😉

  42. sgt99999 February 24, 2006 at 4:11 am - Reply

    “Sure they respect me, but how can I make them fear me?”
    [Kahn Souphanousinphone paraphrasing Caligula]

  43. John C. Welch February 24, 2006 at 4:13 am - Reply

    “Ale? Ah, excellent, the whores were getting restless”

  44. Sanjay Dattatri February 24, 2006 at 4:23 am - Reply

    Let the good times roll?

  45. Drew February 24, 2006 at 4:31 am - Reply

    bow before me or I shall flame thee!

  46. Sanjay Dattatri February 24, 2006 at 4:37 am - Reply

    Didn’t I mention that you also have to get Naked? Only Scoble seems to listen these days!

  47. notthisnorthat February 24, 2006 at 4:46 am - Reply

    You say meritocracy.
    I say meretricious.

  48. S Tylock February 24, 2006 at 4:55 am - Reply

    “Well, it’s not much… I suppose we can find space for a mention in the middle of next week.”

  49. Doug Hanna February 24, 2006 at 4:58 am - Reply

    Worth a shot, I’m not good at these.
    “Only 8 achoholic beverages for consumption? My PageRank is 10, you know – *everything* must be as good, if not beter, than my PageRank. Foolish C-lister.”

  50. Michiel February 24, 2006 at 5:10 am - Reply

    Since ‘suck’ is the mot-du-jour, I will abstain because I suck at thinking up good captions.
    Is that a case of Stormhoek wine? Oh that IS precious 😉

  51. Ron Ingber February 24, 2006 at 5:13 am - Reply

    Consumables to the left, hard goods to the right.

  52. ..ak February 24, 2006 at 5:25 am - Reply

    “We’re bloggers… we tell you want others are doing but we don’t do much ourselves”
    Bloggers: The new e-consultants

  53. Todd February 24, 2006 at 5:56 am - Reply

    caption:”Who knew that after dropping out of college as a journalism major, I’d end up earning one-one thousandth of a cent per word as a A-list blogger?”

  54. Joey P February 24, 2006 at 6:01 am - Reply

    no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no … hmmmmm… no no no no no no no eh no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO … that’s bull shitake… no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nice try but no no no no no no no no …someone get me a water… no no no no no … ok YES just leave me alone!!

  55. eric February 24, 2006 at 6:14 am - Reply

    Stormhoek! I am an A-list blogger. I only drink Cristal!

  56. Wheels February 24, 2006 at 6:38 am - Reply

    I like Nick Davis’s caption…”I said bring me Scoble’s Microbe Band — not a Global Microbrand.” But then I’m also a fan of Hugh’s GapingVoid blog!

  57. brad k February 24, 2006 at 6:43 am - Reply

    You’re certainly not worthy, but we WILL take the free stuff, you schmucks.

  58. Alex Krupp February 24, 2006 at 6:45 am - Reply

    “Back when I was a kid it took 70 virgins just to move up to the B-List”

  59. Seann February 24, 2006 at 7:28 am - Reply

    “I told you, if anybody brings Merlot, I’m leaving. I am not drinking any f—— merlot!”

  60. gapingvoid February 24, 2006 at 7:31 am - Reply

    stormhoek cartoon

    Looks like Stormhoek’s marketing is starting to work. Heh….

  61. Audiolathe February 24, 2006 at 7:31 am - Reply

    Stormhoek?
    That is SOOOO yesterday! I can’t possibly be seen to be endorsing something so out-of date, my reputation would be ruined!

  62. Tim Walker February 24, 2006 at 7:37 am - Reply

    “Will no one find me an adequate amusement?”

  63. gapingvoid February 24, 2006 at 8:01 am - Reply

    stormhoek cartoon

    Looks like Stormhoek’s marketing is starting to work. Heh. [Note to self: Is Guy Kawaskai a wine drinker? Is he plannng on throwing any Web 2.0 parties?] The one thing I’m REALLY glad that me and the Stormhoek folk…

  64. Michael February 24, 2006 at 8:13 am - Reply

    Yes thats right plebian, bow before me and bestow your atonement upon us. Perhaps we will consider your insignificant life as worthy enough….though unlikely.

  65. Ric February 24, 2006 at 8:17 am - Reply

    Caption:
    “What – no suit, Hugh?”

  66. Mike Sax February 24, 2006 at 8:19 am - Reply

    “No wonder the traditional press people feel threatened by us.”

  67. gapingvoid February 24, 2006 at 8:20 am - Reply

    stormhoek cartoon

    Looks like Stormhoek’s marketing is starting to work. Heh. [Note to self: Is Guy Kawaskai a wine drinker? Is he planning on throwing any Web 2.0 parties?] The one thing I’m REALLY glad that me and the Stormhoek folk…

  68. Robert Qually February 24, 2006 at 8:41 am - Reply

    Guy, several ‘choice’ offerings, (so to speak)…
    .
    Caption 1:
    “GOODS FOR SERVICES, FOR THE GOOD SERVICE”
    .
    or
    .
    “SERVICES FOR GOODS”
    .
    or
    .
    “GOODS FOR SREVICES”
    .
    Caption 2:
    “GIVE TO GET…capiche?!”
    .
    Caption 3:
    “HhUyGpEe (Huge-Hype) for sale… at the right price.”
    .
    Caption 4:
    “Invest in yourself. Pay me.”
    .
    Caption 5:
    “Give more. Get more.”
    .
    Caption 6:
    “FOSTER Trust and Confidence and Credibility and Customers and Profit…FROM Variety and Choice and Abundance and Selection and Bounty.
    .
    or
    .
    Foster trust from bounty!
    .

  69. Joseph February 24, 2006 at 8:48 am - Reply

    “Apple products only accepted. Next!”

  70. Dave Hardwick February 24, 2006 at 8:57 am - Reply

    Top-10 Lies A-listers tell Suckers…
    1. Sure, I’ll figure out how to mention your stuff in my blog.
    2. No, I don’t think your product sucks – the market hasn’t discovered you yet.
    3. Wow, that’s really cool, really unusual!
    4. Sure, if you’re in town sometime, I’d love to have a drink with you!
    5. How’d you know that is my primary demographic?
    6. Of course most of our readers are 18 – 24 yo and live in the U.S.
    7. This should definitely increase my link count.
    8. I read your blog religiously.
    9. I loved your book.
    10. Great picture.

  71. DJHowatt February 24, 2006 at 9:16 am - Reply

    No, no! Get it right! I don’t flog your merchandise. I BLOG it, you infernal newbies!

  72. David February 24, 2006 at 9:22 am - Reply

    I think it’s funnier with a blank caption.

  73. Gil February 24, 2006 at 9:42 am - Reply

    “Sorry, you’re not W3C compliant”

  74. Patrick February 24, 2006 at 9:48 am - Reply

    Does anybody in this line understand how to drive a MAC with NO-MOUSE? If you do, step forward, you’re in front of the line

  75. Parker February 24, 2006 at 10:14 am - Reply

    If you bring a puppy, you must provide your own blender!

  76. Iain Lowe February 24, 2006 at 10:16 am - Reply

    “…personally I just can’t get enough of the long tail”

  77. Alistair Jeffs February 24, 2006 at 10:21 am - Reply

    That better be the beta version.

  78. Privateye February 24, 2006 at 10:31 am - Reply

    Never mind a caption, how about a whole comic:
    http://flickr.com/photos/privateye/103689599/

  79. Shaded February 24, 2006 at 10:45 am - Reply

    Where is the challenge in this? No matter what I say cause they will keep brining me crap.

  80. Ryan Elisei February 24, 2006 at 11:55 am - Reply

    If the pen is mightier than the sword, then the keyboard is mightier still.

  81. JJ February 24, 2006 at 1:12 pm - Reply

    Ah, excuse me, would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?

  82. Alfred Thompson February 24, 2006 at 1:24 pm - Reply

    What good is any of this stuff? I will not bring me any traffic.

  83. Patrick February 24, 2006 at 1:52 pm - Reply

    That girl in the rear of the line ain’t no Badonkadonk!

  84. Mookusaki February 24, 2006 at 1:53 pm - Reply

    No, I am not that guy from Brokeback Mountain. Do only white people blog? Nice to see one minority in the mix, even if he is token

  85. Nils Gilman February 24, 2006 at 2:19 pm - Reply

    “How boring. Don’t they ever learn?”

  86. Easton Ellsworth February 24, 2006 at 2:29 pm - Reply

    “You know, we COULD just set up a feed for all this stuff – if we could just decide between FULL and PARTIAL!”
    Fun idea, Guy.

  87. Wil Schroter February 24, 2006 at 2:33 pm - Reply

    BLOGGER: “I wonder if I can tell them how bad I need to get laid. Hmm. That girl in the back looks cute. God, come to think of it, even that dude next to her looks cute. Oh god this sucks…”

  88. the daily FISK! February 24, 2006 at 3:14 pm - Reply

    You SUCK! On Becoming an A-List Blogger

    Guy Kawasaki is running a contest to come up with a caption for his cartoon about his: abhorrent article that I wrote called “How to Suck Up to a Blogger.” Not to be undone the FISK has taken up the challenge to “skewer” his good buddy Guy one more t…

  89. Frank Wiles February 24, 2006 at 4:06 pm - Reply

    How about:
    “What no fridge?”
    or
    “So much schwag, so little time…”

  90. Dave Keller February 24, 2006 at 4:56 pm - Reply

    It didn’t work the first time, Gates.

  91. Andrew Fife February 24, 2006 at 4:58 pm - Reply

    “I said email address, not home address”

  92. Jeremy Katz February 24, 2006 at 5:12 pm - Reply

    “No, I will not re-enable the comments section. Post your drivel to your own damn blog.”

  93. WTJ February 25, 2006 at 12:04 am - Reply

    “too cheap”

  94. Nikhil February 25, 2006 at 4:55 am - Reply

    Man, you sucking-up style sucks !! Get professional help !

  95. The Webinar Blog February 25, 2006 at 7:51 am - Reply

    Sucking Up As A Business Strategy

    Sung to the tune of Duke Ellington’s “A-Train”:
    You must bribe the “A”-List
    To get your URL put in their blogroll
    If you bore the “A”-List
    You’ll find you have no readers for your writing
    Hurry – bring them gifts and praises
    Lavish them w…

  96. Denins Howlett February 25, 2006 at 9:03 am - Reply

    Is that Mena at the back there? Come on up girl, Sun’s got a free server for you.

  97. Patrick February 25, 2006 at 11:33 am - Reply

    Hey Fellows!!
    Call us the three Stooges;
    Larry needs NoDoz, Me Mo likes to talk, and Curly just drinks to much!
    Cheers!!!

  98. Nathan Black February 25, 2006 at 12:02 pm - Reply

    I actually think it is perfect like it is. The blog economy is the new dot-com. We are literally selling nothing. Sound and fury, signifying nothing.

  99. W.P. Wily February 25, 2006 at 12:17 pm - Reply

    “No, I will NOT change the Comments order to be oldest to newest!”

  100. Dimitar Vesselinov February 25, 2006 at 1:25 pm - Reply

    “Z-listers, you are not part of the echo chamber…Sorry, …conversation…Go away!”

  101. Brian Moore February 25, 2006 at 9:14 pm - Reply

    Thank you for the Macallan Mr. Kawasaki, please get up and let the people who criticised your post on sucking up come forward.

  102. Mel brooks February 25, 2006 at 9:28 pm - Reply

    “It’s good to be the king”

  103. Alistair Chew February 25, 2006 at 10:47 pm - Reply

    “Yes, you can put that in my sidebar. Next.”

  104. Guan Wang February 26, 2006 at 12:35 am - Reply

    Have you considered using your description of what a blogger is? “I have nothing to say to those of you with nothing to do.”

  105. Keith Cramer February 26, 2006 at 2:26 pm - Reply

    All gifts are henceforth to be submitted via my new industry changing web2.0 application (currently in Beta). Please register at gifts.for.us or giftfordoo.com. I’ll also be sure to write about any innovative gifts in my next book!

  106. Oregon Steve February 26, 2006 at 2:46 pm - Reply

    Caption:
    “(Pssst. My dear, remind me to cut back on this Kawasaki-brand wine…) … Okay, people! PEOPLE! I saaaaaaid, ‘Bring me some HAG and someone to FLOG!!'”

  107. Gordon February 26, 2006 at 3:12 pm - Reply

    Sigh, the pressure of managing our funds is SO onerous. Yawn! Now if a good idea would just fall in our laps…

  108. Steve Liberati February 26, 2006 at 5:57 pm - Reply

    “Again, I told you this is Ebay. You can sell whatever you want. Yes…even liquid rat poison in coke bottles!”

  109. King Bastard February 27, 2006 at 12:51 am - Reply

    “Sorry, I just turned off comments. Talk to a C-lister, maybe they’ll tell me about it.”

  110. jalutz February 27, 2006 at 6:04 pm - Reply

    Caption:
    “Oh, noble sire, just a small gift, a mere token of my gratitude. Before your blog I suffered in ignorance and boredom.”

  111. Laurie Banks February 27, 2006 at 7:40 pm - Reply

    Only a wise man would offer me such a fine selection of wine that they will be distributing to such a defined target audience; with my very own blog address on the label.
    But, my friends drink beer.

  112. David Percy February 28, 2006 at 5:39 am - Reply

    I kwask thee in the name of the … the rest you have to pay for.

  113. trappercase February 28, 2006 at 11:45 am - Reply

    “I said links, not drinks!”

  114. DUST!N March 1, 2006 at 7:35 am - Reply

    WHAT!?! You’re offering me the same swag you offer to the pleobian C-List bloggers?
    Hmmm, good job.

  115. DW March 2, 2006 at 6:10 am - Reply

    01111000101011010111000001011010
    I mean really 11000100010111

  116. mlw March 3, 2006 at 9:11 am - Reply

    Hugh, normally we don’t turn down free alcohol, but “Stormhoek” sounds more like Elric’s sword than something I would want to drink. . .

  117. George Nimeh March 3, 2006 at 11:27 am - Reply

    Holy shit! Hugh shut up long enough to kneel. Thank god for Stormhoek.

  118. bruce boston March 5, 2006 at 11:57 pm - Reply

    From the “Serenity now!” episode of Seinfeld:
    “Letting my emotions out was the best thing I’ve ever done. Sure, I’m not funny anymore, but there’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations”
    -bruce

  119. Ben March 7, 2006 at 7:49 am - Reply

    Your worthless little Trackbacks mean NOTHING to us.

  120. Alexander Peschkoff March 7, 2006 at 12:29 pm - Reply

    “Who let Bill jump the queue again?!”

  121. Guan Wang March 28, 2006 at 11:47 am - Reply

    “Evangelist? No, I’m just Evil’s Agent!”

  122. Chat August 1, 2007 at 3:44 pm - Reply

    I’d be interested in an updated GoogleAnalytics chart (may be two with about six weeks coverage), just to see if the effect did wear off after a while and also, did others link to your new name with the same link-text (allinurl:…). I hope you will publish a follow up.

  123. Chat August 1, 2007 at 11:11 pm - Reply

    I’d be interested in an updated GoogleAnalytics chart (may be two with about six weeks coverage), just to see if the effect did wear off after a while and also, did others link to your new name with the same link-text (allinurl:…). I hope you will publish a follow up.

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