Need Your Caption
My buddy, Brad Fitzpatrick, drew this cartoon in response to the “abhorrent” article that I wrote called “How to Suck Up to a Blogger.”
We’re missing a caption. I KNOW you guys can come up with some great stuff. Please submit your idea as a comment!
Oh yeah, click here to see the outtakes (ala Jackie Chan movies).
Brad took a very,very good shot at me. Is this fun or what? I think it’s flattering to know that you’re worth skewering!
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Guy Kawasaki is the chief evangelist of Canva, an online graphic design tool. Formerly, he was an advisor to the Motorola business unit of Google and chief evangelist of Apple. He is also the author of The Art of Social Media, The Art of the Start, APE: Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur, Enchantment, and nine other books. Kawasaki has a BA from Stanford University and an MBA from UCLA as well as an honorary doctorate from Babson College.
“Is that w[h]ine in a full-text feed? If not, no link!”
(It is Scoble isn’t it?)
“No funding for you, but at least this will help us tolerate the other presenters!”
“You’ve confused us with Diggnation – this is TWiT!”
“I don’t care how drunk you get me – I’m not going to go see ‘Brokeback Mountain’ with you, and I’m not linking to you, either.”
“You’ll waste an hour coming up with a caption to this picture because I have 5,000 incoming links.”
“Why do we even bother? Not one of these bloggers have show up on memeorandum today.”
Did you mean ‘How* to..’, Guy?
“You cannot buy us with your puny gifts. If you know anything about blogging, you should know that even A-list bloggers can always use more incoming links with descriptive text.”
Guards, put the beer with the rest of the stash.
Same time tomorrow, John?
“Say guys, wouldn’t it be nice if someone gave all our books five stars on Amazon?”
No soup for you!
I have to say, I have more bad experiences with these URL shortening services than good. They’ve officially achieved the same amount of personal annoyance for me as ring tones.
I really don’t like ring tones; and I put this in the same category: a solution looking for a problem. Alternatively, blog software vendors (are you listening Apple?) could simply not generate obscenely long URLs.
For the record, my complaint with URL “snippers” is that they introduce an unnecessary traffic bottleneck recquiring their servers be able to handle the load, and allow a bunch of extra uninvited eyeballs into my web trafficking tendencies.
just my 2¢.
Ah, Dom Perignon! Bona tempora volvant!
You want the Scoble seal of approval, in return for just free samples? Peasants! Link to us instead.
Ladies and Gentleman,
I don’t know why you think that just because you can sell this junk (someone else’s treasure) on Ebay, you think you can make Ye Royal A List!
But, thanks for the liquor
“Cristal… when is Robin Leech from the Rich and Famous coming?”
Why do I have Roman soilders since they cannot protect me from those bloggers who feel that linking to me will bring them fame when their postings are garbage. Leave your garbage at the door and let the real A listers do what they do best without selling out.
“Don’t these people have jobs?”
“Have none of you read Guy Kawasaki’s post on How to suck up to bloggers? All this schwag is great but you still gotta do the other stuff!”
Fools ! You bring ordinary champagne to Scoble !
Don’t you know I know nothing and am loud about it !
No links for you C-Lister !
“You know if you all just started blogging like me, you wouldn’t have to give me all this stuff. By the way, does anyone know what my real job is?”
These guys never learn. I know I don’t have anything to say, but didn’t you understand anything I said?
There are 10 ways to …
Hey Dude with the box of CD’s. Do you have any Pat Metheny or Horace Silver in there.
and for the Stormhoek’r on his knees…
“Whaddya mean ‘compensating’?”
Sorry, should’ve been:
“Whaddya mean ‘overcompensating’?”
Sorry ’bout that. (Preview is my friend x50)
Didn’t you get the Meme-o? I said bring me Scoble’s Microbe Band — not a Global Microbrand.
“Yeah, that me, the A list blogger. I blog, blog, blog ….
Hey, who the hell are these people?
Clones ye, you’re me.
What a pretty circle we make.
our own little circle – and lo –
And our Kingdom shall rule the Wide World2.0
(sorry about the typos earlier)
Clones ye, you’re almost me.
What a pretty circle we make.
our own little circle – and lo –
And our Kingdom shall rule the Wide World2.0
Not a caption entry, but woo-hoo that IPod belt is SUH-WEET. So hey Guy, toss me one of those, please! I like that cartoon the best.
. . . and just then it hit me. 10 ad’s per page, with an average of 200,000 page views a day after only two weeks, and I’d be a Blog god!
“Accepted. You may leave one comment with your URL in the signature.”
“Sorry – I don’t accept things from people with back problems.”
Don’t give me stuff. Tell me a story that will make me sit up and take notice!
that’s not what i want, though i’ll take it, NEXT!!!
Okay so Steven Tyler has better groupies, bfd.
Ok folks. Leave your gifts, go home and write an article about “Why to use the rel-nofollow-tag”.
I’ll give you “all” one link per box of swag. Now; go forth and link back!
A geek, they said. A looser. They took my lunch money. They pounded on me. well, who is The Man now?
No, it’s just something in my eye…
“Ey, underachiever please try harder next time…” ;-)
“Sure they respect me, but how can I make them fear me?”
[Kahn Souphanousinphone paraphrasing Caligula]
“Ale? Ah, excellent, the whores were getting restless”
Let the good times roll?
bow before me or I shall flame thee!
Didn’t I mention that you also have to get Naked? Only Scoble seems to listen these days!
You say meritocracy.
I say meretricious.
“Well, it’s not much… I suppose we can find space for a mention in the middle of next week.”
Worth a shot, I’m not good at these.
“Only 8 achoholic beverages for consumption? My PageRank is 10, you know – *everything* must be as good, if not beter, than my PageRank. Foolish C-lister.”
Since ‘suck’ is the mot-du-jour, I will abstain because I suck at thinking up good captions.
Is that a case of Stormhoek wine? Oh that IS precious ;)
Consumables to the left, hard goods to the right.
“We’re bloggers… we tell you want others are doing but we don’t do much ourselves”
Bloggers: The new e-consultants
caption:”Who knew that after dropping out of college as a journalism major, I’d end up earning one-one thousandth of a cent per word as a A-list blogger?”
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no … hmmmmm… no no no no no no no eh no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO … that’s bull shitake… no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nice try but no no no no no no no no …someone get me a water… no no no no no … ok YES just leave me alone!!
Stormhoek! I am an A-list blogger. I only drink Cristal!
I like Nick Davis’s caption…”I said bring me Scoble’s Microbe Band — not a Global Microbrand.” But then I’m also a fan of Hugh’s GapingVoid blog!
You’re certainly not worthy, but we WILL take the free stuff, you schmucks.
“Back when I was a kid it took 70 virgins just to move up to the B-List”
“I told you, if anybody brings Merlot, I’m leaving. I am not drinking any f—— merlot!”
Looks like Stormhoek’s marketing is starting to work. Heh….
That is SOOOO yesterday! I can’t possibly be seen to be endorsing something so out-of date, my reputation would be ruined!
“Will no one find me an adequate amusement?”
Looks like Stormhoek’s marketing is starting to work. Heh. [Note to self: Is Guy Kawaskai a wine drinker? Is he plannng on throwing any Web 2.0 parties?] The one thing I’m REALLY glad that me and the Stormhoek folk…
Yes thats right plebian, bow before me and bestow your atonement upon us. Perhaps we will consider your insignificant life as worthy enough….though unlikely.
“What – no suit, Hugh?”
“No wonder the traditional press people feel threatened by us.”
Looks like Stormhoek’s marketing is starting to work. Heh. [Note to self: Is Guy Kawaskai a wine drinker? Is he planning on throwing any Web 2.0 parties?] The one thing I’m REALLY glad that me and the Stormhoek folk…
Guy, several ‘choice’ offerings, (so to speak)…
“GOODS FOR SERVICES, FOR THE GOOD SERVICE”
“SERVICES FOR GOODS”
“GOODS FOR SREVICES”
“GIVE TO GET…capiche?!”
“HhUyGpEe (Huge-Hype) for sale… at the right price.”
“Invest in yourself. Pay me.”
“Give more. Get more.”
“FOSTER Trust and Confidence and Credibility and Customers and Profit…FROM Variety and Choice and Abundance and Selection and Bounty.
Foster trust from bounty!
“Apple products only accepted. Next!”
Top-10 Lies A-listers tell Suckers…
1. Sure, I’ll figure out how to mention your stuff in my blog.
2. No, I don’t think your product sucks – the market hasn’t discovered you yet.
3. Wow, that’s really cool, really unusual!
4. Sure, if you’re in town sometime, I’d love to have a drink with you!
5. How’d you know that is my primary demographic?
6. Of course most of our readers are 18 – 24 yo and live in the U.S.
7. This should definitely increase my link count.
8. I read your blog religiously.
9. I loved your book.
10. Great picture.
No, no! Get it right! I don’t flog your merchandise. I BLOG it, you infernal newbies!
I think it’s funnier with a blank caption.
“Sorry, you’re not W3C compliant”
Does anybody in this line understand how to drive a MAC with NO-MOUSE? If you do, step forward, you’re in front of the line
If you bring a puppy, you must provide your own blender!
“…personally I just can’t get enough of the long tail”
That better be the beta version.
Never mind a caption, how about a whole comic:
Where is the challenge in this? No matter what I say cause they will keep brining me crap.
Ah, excuse me, would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?
What good is any of this stuff? I will not bring me any traffic.
That girl in the rear of the line ain’t no Badonkadonk!
No, I am not that guy from Brokeback Mountain. Do only white people blog? Nice to see one minority in the mix, even if he is token
“How boring. Don’t they ever learn?”
“You know, we COULD just set up a feed for all this stuff – if we could just decide between FULL and PARTIAL!”
Fun idea, Guy.
BLOGGER: “I wonder if I can tell them how bad I need to get laid. Hmm. That girl in the back looks cute. God, come to think of it, even that dude next to her looks cute. Oh god this sucks…”
You SUCK! On Becoming an A-List Blogger
Guy Kawasaki is running a contest to come up with a caption for his cartoon about his: abhorrent article that I wrote called “How to Suck Up to a Blogger.” Not to be undone the FISK has taken up the challenge to “skewer” his good buddy Guy one more t…
“What no fridge?”
“So much schwag, so little time…”
It didn’t work the first time, Gates.
“I said email address, not home address”
“No, I will not re-enable the comments section. Post your drivel to your own damn blog.”
Man, you sucking-up style sucks !! Get professional help !
Sucking Up As A Business Strategy
Sung to the tune of Duke Ellington’s “A-Train”:
You must bribe the “A”-List
To get your URL put in their blogroll
If you bore the “A”-List
You’ll find you have no readers for your writing
Hurry – bring them gifts and praises
Lavish them w…
Is that Mena at the back there? Come on up girl, Sun’s got a free server for you.
Call us the three Stooges;
Larry needs NoDoz, Me Mo likes to talk, and Curly just drinks to much!
I actually think it is perfect like it is. The blog economy is the new dot-com. We are literally selling nothing. Sound and fury, signifying nothing.
“No, I will NOT change the Comments order to be oldest to newest!”
“Z-listers, you are not part of the echo chamber…Sorry, …conversation…Go away!”
Thank you for the Macallan Mr. Kawasaki, please get up and let the people who criticised your post on sucking up come forward.
“It’s good to be the king”
“Yes, you can put that in my sidebar. Next.”
Have you considered using your description of what a blogger is? “I have nothing to say to those of you with nothing to do.”
All gifts are henceforth to be submitted via my new industry changing web2.0 application (currently in Beta). Please register at gifts.for.us or giftfordoo.com. I’ll also be sure to write about any innovative gifts in my next book!
“(Pssst. My dear, remind me to cut back on this Kawasaki-brand wine…) … Okay, people! PEOPLE! I saaaaaaid, ‘Bring me some HAG and someone to FLOG!!'”
Sigh, the pressure of managing our funds is SO onerous. Yawn! Now if a good idea would just fall in our laps…
“Again, I told you this is Ebay. You can sell whatever you want. Yes…even liquid rat poison in coke bottles!”
“Sorry, I just turned off comments. Talk to a C-lister, maybe they’ll tell me about it.”
“Oh, noble sire, just a small gift, a mere token of my gratitude. Before your blog I suffered in ignorance and boredom.”
Only a wise man would offer me such a fine selection of wine that they will be distributing to such a defined target audience; with my very own blog address on the label.
But, my friends drink beer.
I kwask thee in the name of the … the rest you have to pay for.
“I said links, not drinks!”
WHAT!?! You’re offering me the same swag you offer to the pleobian C-List bloggers?
Hmmm, good job.
I mean really 11000100010111
Hugh, normally we don’t turn down free alcohol, but “Stormhoek” sounds more like Elric’s sword than something I would want to drink. . .
Holy shit! Hugh shut up long enough to kneel. Thank god for Stormhoek.
From the “Serenity now!” episode of Seinfeld:
“Letting my emotions out was the best thing I’ve ever done. Sure, I’m not funny anymore, but there’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations”
Your worthless little Trackbacks mean NOTHING to us.
“Who let Bill jump the queue again?!”
“Evangelist? No, I’m just Evil’s Agent!”